She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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