think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
