I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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