bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
