I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
