Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
