Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
