would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
