i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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