Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
