mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
