It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
