He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
