drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
