so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
