I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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