Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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