she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
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the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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