Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
