We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
