Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
