I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize