You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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