i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
