She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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