there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
