Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
