If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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