Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
