the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
