i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
