I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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