On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
