Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
