In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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