apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
