:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Alive.
So much puke
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I deserve this hangover.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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