My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
