I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
