"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Damn victory sex feels great
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