i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
