Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
