I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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