Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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