saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
