Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
