She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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