We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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