Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
