I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i came on her dog
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
