i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
