so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
