he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
