At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
