in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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