IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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