I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
