Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
