Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
