I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
