I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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