Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
