Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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