Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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