I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
