look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
