420 ftw
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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